What is it about a song that makes it suck? The tune? The lyrics? The singer’s voice? The incessant auto-tuning? Whatever YOUR reasons are for not liking a song, they’re YOUR reasons. Guess what? There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all.
These are 5 of MY least favorite songs…songs that make my blood boil, my skin crawl, and my blood pressure go out of whack. I’m sorry if you like any of these songs…sorry that you like crappy songs.
(in no particular order…because they all suck equally)
Mambo # 5 – Lou Bega
WHY IT SUCKS: This hunk of cheese gets under your skin like a parasite. The original version was done by Perez Prado in 1949. Lou Bega covered it in Spring of 1999. The corny, borderline inappropriate lyrics speak of a man who has serious commitment issues. The synthesized brass equates itself to fingers on a chalk board.
THE UPSIDE: It gave some really nice girls a rare opportunity to have their name in a really popular song . Erica, Rita, Monica, Sandra, etc.
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Crank Dat – Soulja Boy
WHY IT SUCKS: As a mobile DJ, there are certain “group dance” songs you will be expected to play. Electric Slide, Cha Cha Slide, and so on. This one, however, strikes fear in to the heart of any DJ worth his or her salt when the request is uttered. It’s SO incredibly shallow and useless. The dance is stupid, the lyrics (if you want to call them that) are hardly intelligible. The world would be just fine if this song were never played anywhere ever again.
THE UPSIDE: Kids of a certain age really like this song, apparently. So, as apprehensive as I am to play it, it always gets a good response. Whatever. Also, there are a TON of hilarious video dubs of this song on YouTube. Here is MY favorite!
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Truly, Madly, Deeply – Savage Garden
WHY IT SUCKS: This Australian d-bag duo released this anti-opus in 1997. This song sucks mainly because of the overuse of a single-note in the hook. Listen to it. Do you hear it? La la la la la la la la….over and over again. It drives me crazy. It also reminds me of an ex-girlfriend (who LOVED Savage Garden…and knew I didn’t), but that’s a different issue.
THE UPSIDE: I really tried to come up with something positive for this one. Really.
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Summer Girls – LFO
WHY IT SUCKS: British techno-pop act LFO (Lyte Funky Ones) put this piece of garbage on American radio in the summer of 1999. With this one, it’s a problem with lyrics. “New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits / Chinese food makes me sick” — Wow…such depth. Oh, and don’t forget about “When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet / Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets“. — Brilliant! (gag)
THE UPSIDE: LFO actually had some decent beats and were somewhat ahead of their time. They had a great deal of success in the UK…it’s too bad, actually, that their one big US hit was such a drag.
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Hey There Delilah – Plain White T’s
WHY IT SUCKS: Chicago based alt-rock band Plain White T’s formed in 1997. They didn’t really hit it big on a mainstream level until they released their third album, “All That We Needed” in 2005. It wasn’t until 2007 that this whiny, pathetic track was included in many top 40 rotations. I have a thing against whiny alt rock (Dashboard Confessional, etc)…I just can’t stand it. This song is the ultimate in commiserable, annoying angst.
THE UPSIDE: I hate that this was their big, breakout single. They actually have a few good tracks on that album.
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Here are a few songs that didn’t make the main list, but possibly could have:
- Margaritaville – Jimmy Buffett
- Old Time Rock & Roll – Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band
- Friday – Rebecca Black
- Mmm Bop – Hanson
- Got The Life – Korn
- anything by Everclear, The Offspring, or Dashboard Confessional
…the list goes on and on…
So that’s it. The 5 Worst Songs of All Time. Agree, disagree, that’s up to you. All I know is that these are MY least favorites. What songs would YOU put on this list?
